


Sticky Fingers

by Lorrchan



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Awkward Eggsy, Harry is sex on legs, M/M, Shy Eggsy, guilty pleasure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 07:55:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3642561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lorrchan/pseuds/Lorrchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy is an awkward potato when it comes to flirting. So Merlin makes him watch recordings of Harry's honeypot missions because that's obviously the only way to teach anyone the way of seduction. Eggsy definitely does not become obsessed with watching his mentor seduce some very lucky civilians.<br/>Also he definitely does not plan to hack the Kingsman's servers to get full access to the recordings. He's not that desperate and if he did it'd be Harry's fault, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sticky Fingers

**Author's Note:**

> Set right after the loyalty trail. Valentine finds the tailor shop and suddenly there are more important things to do than finding a new Lancelot. Harry is obviously alive and kicking ass somewhere. This idea has been bugging me for ages - Eggsy getting off by watching Harry seduce other people. (Because Colin Firth kissing is super erotic)  
> Also I am convinced that Eggsy is super awkward when it comes to flirting. He only ever asked for a kiss from the princess and I don't think he was even trying during the fake honeypot mission with Roxy and Charlie.

Eggsy knew he royally screwed up even before Merlin gave the sharp order to abort the mission. The com had be silent the entire ride from the club to the mansion shop. His face was burning hot with shame and the oppressing silence filled with disappointment did nothing to clam him. For once he was grateful for the solidarity of the self-steering cabs. This was his second mission after he had proven himself loyal to Kingsman even in the face of death.  
Afterwards he and Roxy were told that their selection process would be postponed and both of them would be trusted with low-level missions while the other agents focused on diverting Valentine’s attention from their secret lair in the tailor shop.  
It’d been two weeks since he and Roxy had either seen Harry or Percival, but Merlin had continued their training while juggling the coordination of a global decoy operation. His com came to life with a soft crackling.

“My office in five.”  
He was grateful for Roxy only giving him a confused look when he rushed past her. Careful not to agitate Merlin any further he knocked before entering. Merlin turned away from his screens with a look that was filled more with surprise than anger, which surprised Eggsy.

“What was that?”  
“The fuckin’ most humiliating forty-five minutes of my entire life.”  
“Believe me, it was just as painful to watch. If it weren’t against protocol I would have shut the feed off out of secondhand embarrassment. What was your problem? Even if she was not your type – you must realize that this was a mission that you just bombed colossally. Your efforts during the loyalty trial were also subpar with everyone else’s effort. Lucky for you that it wasn’t actually a test of your seduction skills!” 

Eggsy stared at the floor face still flushed bright red with embarrassment. After a few moments of silence he raised his head defiantly. “I was just not her type! That’s all.” “We have a matching algorithm based on the target’s past preferences and their parents type” Merlin countered unimpressed.  
Eggsy’s face crunched up in disgust “That’s sick.”  
Merlin simply shrugged and stared at him waiting for another explanation for his ‘utter and complete failure’. 

“Her boyfriend showed up!” “That should not have been an issue.” “How’s that not supps’d to be an issue? What’s the standard protocol? Knock him ou’ cold?”  
Merlin gave him a leveled stare and slowly shook his head. After a few seconds of stunned silence Eggsy muttered an incredulously “You can’t be serious.”

“Oh my god, you are serious! That’s why ya started tellin’ me who he was ‘n wha he liked. Merlin, that is so so wrong.”  
“What aspect do you consider wrong, as I know for a fact that you’re not averse to homosexuality.” Eggsy bit his lip. He would not dignify the man with asking how and why he knew and divert from the current topic.  
“A threesome with a couple would be the most awkward sex. Ever! I might’av messed their relationship up!” Eggsy gestured obviously upset that Merlin had known that his target hadn’t been single, and for the man not understanding his anger. Merlin raised a heavy eyebrow. “You have quite traditional views on relationships.” It was more of a statement than a question. “Is ther’ a problem with that?” 

Merlin ignored the question. “You’re not a virgin.” Another statement poorly disguised as a question and Eggsy had even less of a desire to find out how Merlin knew that.  
“No.” He gritted out.  
“So what was the issue then?”

“I just… ya kno’” he blushed heavily again “This’s stupid.”  
“Pardon me?”  
“I nev’ haddta ask! Okay? They’ jus ... offered! An’ I never refus’d a pretty lady.” Eggsy’s dialect always resurfaced when he became upset which Merlin found quite endearing. 

Eggsy crossed his arms defiantly obviously unwilling to discuss the topic any further. Merlin sighed. “When you joined Kingsman you pledged your mind and body to the organization. Honeypots are of the same importance as any other mission and seduction is a just as important skill as marksmanship. Given your … inexperience I will not assign you anymore honeypot missions.”

Merlin raised his hand sharply cutting off any words of gratitude. ”Until you learn how to properly utilize that natural boyish charm of yours. It wouldn’t pose much of a problem if you weren’t the only young male in the current Kingsman round. We don’t have the luxury right now to not send you out gathering intelligence. I’m sorry. You’ll have to learn from our best.”  
“Roxy?” Eggsy quipped hopefully. Merlin gave him a soft chuckle “She definitely has her technique down, but copying her would do you no good since you lack certain assets.” Merlin paused, anticipating the boy’s reaction to his next words.  
“Oh no, you will have to learn from Harry.” 

Eggsy’s mouth went dry and eyes wide in disbelieve. “That’s a joke. Harry isn’t that kinda guy who’d enjoy this kina stuff.” Eggsy certainly tried very hard not to imagine his mentor getting his fingers sticky with these kinds of missions.

“Yes, Harry did not enjoy these missions. Both of you share the same views on relationships and commitment. He has only been sent on a handful during the last ten years ever since he became a senior member. But he is the only agent to ever claim a hundred percent success rate. I will send you an access code tomorrow morning. Take notes. You’re dismissed.”

Ignoring the finality in Merlin’s words Eggsy asked “What recordin’?”  
Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose. “Footage from Harry’s honeypot mission in 1990. One year before you were born if I am not mistaken. It has gained quite a following.”  
The side comment about his age made Eggsy bite his cheek. He turned on his heel and made sure to leave the door wide open as he exited. Merlin’s cursing that followed was a small satisfaction as was the slam of the door.

He headed to the trainee quarters hoping to see Roxy and hopefully convince her to watch that recoding with him.   
He certainly didn’t trust himself enough to watch it alone.


End file.
